Saturday, October 15, 2011

Motivating children who refuse to obey

We were sitting at dinner the other night and my youngest son told us about a conversation he overheard at his school the other day.  He's a senior in high school and he overheard the policeman assigned to the school talking to a parent.  This mother was saying that she just couldn't get her son, a freshman, to get up in the morning and go to school.  She lamented that he was much bigger than she was and there was no way she could force him.  The Boxman and I just laughed.  There are always ways to make your children do what they don't want to do; if they are balking at obeying you, you just have to find out what motivates them.  When number 2 son was potty training, he wouldn't do his business.  He wanted to go play at the next-door neighbor's house with his brother and I told him he couldn't go until he had used the toilet.  He accomplished that lickety-split. When my daughter first started driving, she had a very difficult time remembering to put the garage door down when she left the house, a big problem if she left the house open to anyone happening by.  We finally took her keys for a few days - she never forgot again. Sometimes it's difficult to find out what motivates a child and might require a lot of thought. The motivation can be positive rather than punitive, too, but I wouldn't reward a child for getting up and going to school.  Some things we do because it's expected, not because of a reward.
The best parents find creative ways to meet new dilemmas.

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